Jingle Bells have been urged not to jingle all the way as part of special measures this Christmas. A spokesperson explained ‘Under normal circumstances we would insist on full completion of the bell-jingling guidelines. But this year, we have to accept a modified festive season, hence new guidelines to our members suggesting they jingle no more than 73% of the way.’
But a spokesman for the one-horse open sleigh association (OHOSA!) said its members were incensed by the limitations, predicting practical issues around the singing of the line ‘Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, jingle 62% of the way’. One jingler has suggested that the lyric be adjusted to ‘jingle ON the way’, prompting criticism that this undermines the original song’s allegiance to a full jingling scenario. ‘This version means token in-journey jingling lasting maybe only minutes would be acceptable, and renders the song worthless.’
Meanwhile publishers of the song ‘I saw mummy kissing Santa Claus’ have expressed fears that both parties would have to belong to the same household for the lyrics to function safely. A spokesman for Smythe music explained: ‘This situation endangers the whole meaning of the song. It would be impossible to substitute a Mummy/Santa interface that did not break Covid safety rules, without revealing the true nature of the relationship between the two. This in itself risks a breach in confidentiality for both parties. The spokesman promised ‘We are currently developing a new safety-conscious lyric along the lines of ‘I saw mummy having a good think about Santa Claus’.