Bank of England releases 150 billion sheets of loo paper


The Bank of England has announced it is releasing 150 billion sheets of toilet paper into the public arena, in the form of banknotes to support the UK economy.

Officials at the bank explained that the injection of the notes into circulation was of only superficial value in monetary terms, their true value lies in replenishing the scarcity of toilet paper due to hoarding.

Whilst the hoarding of cash is considered by hoarders of cash to be an activity that differentiates superior humans from inferior humans, the hoarding of bog wipe is not; despite the irrelevance of the commodity being hoarded.

Economists welcome the BoE boost, as depreciation of sterling due to flooding the monetary supply will eventually be negated by the notes’ consumption as a recyclable bathroom commodity, driving value up after the collapse of the currency due to Brexit.

However, the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street warns the use of banknotes for anything other than their intended purpose carries a legal proviso.

Currency and Banknotes Act 1928: Section 12b, states:

‘If any person should for any reason be granted use of a banknote for an unspecified yet legitimate purpose other than fiscal remuneration, said person shall, in the first instance, before use, apologise humbly and graciously to Her Majesty’s image, and politely ask that Her Majesty might wish to avert Her gaze.’

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Posted: Nov 6th, 2020 by

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