UK arms industry ‘disappointed’ to find terrorists still using non-British made weapons

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The UK Arms Industry is said to be disappointed that weapons used in recent terrorist attacks across Europe were made by foreign competitors and did not originate here in the UK. A spokesman for the British Weapons Industry said that the massive media exposure generated by recent terrorist attacks was a great opportunity for the UK arms industry to market its product.
‘The UK arms industry is missing out’, said the spokesman. ‘I mean, these terrorist attacks are headline news…featured on every prime time news bulletin and splashed across every newspaper headline around the world. And yet not a British made weapon to be seen. We are better than that.
‘We increased sales to repressive regimes by over £1bn in 2019 and yet these so-called terrorist organisations still insist on using inferior weapons produced in other countries. Their weapons are often of a poor quality and would not meet UK standards.

‘We need to get that message across to weapon users around the world. At the moment UK weapons only account for 1 in 3 deaths across the world, which is a good return rate on our product but I know the industry could do SO much better. We need to get the death rate using UK weapons up to 1 in 2 by the middle of 2021 to meet our Key Performance Indicators.
‘The Govt underwrites the UK arms industry so there is no need to worry about financing or dodgy regimes unwilling to pay up. Just get out there and SELL SELL SELL. If it’s putting down a student uprising, bombing a civilian neighbourhood or simply shooting someone you disagree with, then the British Weapons Industry has just the thing for you.
‘The next Defence and Security Equipment fair isn’t until 2022 so we need to get our brand out there while the terrorist attacks are still hot. A third of all British arms exports go to just 18 out of the 30 countries listed on the United Nations (UN) watchlist for human rights……and that figure needs to improve. Pardon the pun but we have the other 12 countries in our sights.
‘And with the USA on the brink of civil war the opportunities are endless. We have the right Government in place….all we need now is the will…..oh and a new cover story. I think both Brexit and Covid are wearing a bit thin now…and Megan running for the US presidency is still some way off’.

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Posted: Nov 6th, 2020 by

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