King Canute to sue the sea

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Medieval monarch Donald Canute says suing the sea is the only option open to him after the oceans allegedly refused to disobey the laws of nature at his behest.

‘The seas round Florida behaved themselves perfectly, so how is it that other states like Pennsylvania are so horrible and corrupt? They tell me the state of Michigan has lakes, not seas, but we can see through that. Who decided on lakes? I’ll tell you, the Democrats. They’re the ones hiding beneath the sea with an attack plan to destroy America by flooding it with seawater. Which is why an army (or maybe I mean a navy) of Republican lawyers will be lining up along the shore with massive sand bags and even bigger lawsuits, to show the sea who’s boss.’

In response, both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans continued, without comment, to obey tidal rules mainly influenced by the gravitational pull of the moon. But Donald Canute tweeted ‘Now they’re telling me the man on the moon is deciding everything. And you expect hardworking Americans to believe that? By the way they now tell me Pennsylvania is land-locked. But that’s undemocratic. I mean who did the locking? Everyone start shouting ‘unlock Penn state!’ And why did CNN not report on this locking up of part of America? I’m saying unlock Pennsylvania and lock up Joe Neptune. I mean Biden. And I’m warning you, sea, back up and stay off our beaches, or we’ll build a wall, and we’ll make the Mexicans pay for it, then throw them over the wall and into the sea. We may need ladders for that, but rest assured we’re looking into everything.

By the way didja hear what I said about a navy rather than an army? I came up with that all by myself. SO I STILL GOT IT so unless the sea hires some really smart press people, I’m gonna bury it. AFTER we take out all the fish, by the way. I’m talking about American fish first, believe me.

Hat tip Walter Eagle

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Posted: Nov 7th, 2020 by

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