The Government today announced the next stage of its test and trace programme – NHS Hide and Seek.
Appearing in front of reporters, Dido Harding said: “…7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…coming, ready or not!”. She then moved her hands from in front of her eyes and started to seek out people with Covid-19.
She continued the press conference by looking behind the curtains, under the stairs and under the bed, places suggested by Matt Hancock and referred to by experts as “the obvious places”.
The government defended the delay in launching the programme saying that it was important to allow Baroness Harding to count down from 30 million first.
“It is only fair to give the virus a sporting chance,” a spokesperson said. “We Tories are all about the British sense of fair play. That’s why we allowed hunting under the lockdown.”
If Baroness Harding finds somebody who would test positively under a proper testing regime, they must help her try to find more people for the next two weeks. Then they are put back into the game and can hide again if they exhibit symptoms.
It is believed the system was tested earlier in the year when Boris Johnson was found up Dominic Cumming’s arse.