In a full-on radioactive meltdown, President Trump has been running around the White House in his Mickey Mouse underwear shouting ‘STOP THE PRAYERS,’ and fired his spiritual advisor, God. He’s ordered anyone found covertly praying under face masks to be shot on sight and the remains fed to grizzly bears.
At a chaotic press briefing, the president said, “The prayers aren’t working for us folks. That God guy is more interested in checking his Instagram shit than listening to his fan base. This is why the well-known eater of the nation’s firstborn, Joe Biden is winning. Due to God’s negligence, billions of decent right-wing, god-fearing prayers have been stolen by Democrat terrorists, hacked by China or shipped to Iran along with my bank statements.”
Throughout the USA, heavily armed, flag-waving, weevil chewing, decent truck driving hillbillies, who had been praying 24/7 for a Trump victory are now surrounding places of worship, hammering on the windows and chanting Stop The Prayers.
A Whitehouse spokesperson said she’d never seen anything like it and that right now the only person likely to have their prayers answered was Melania.