Police raid lockdown-breaking pensioner rave at the Cenotaph

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Officers from the Metropolitan Police in a co-ordinated raid broke up an illegal gathering at the Cenotaph in Whitehall just after 11 o’clock on Sunday. In a textbook operation they moved in so swiftly the assembled group were stunned into silence.

A Police spokesman said ‘This was a well organised event and our intelligence told us all the attendees would be wearing red flowers in their lapels after putting their entry fee in a plastic tin. Whereas most illegal raves rely on social media this one used the Royal Mail to send out invitations which is a worrying development’.

A large quantity of drugs was seized, mainly arthritis & heart pills and a large quantity of cod liver oil tablets. ‘We’re just pleased to get them off the streets. It’s awful to think of the damage these drugs can do if you aren’t meant to take them’. No bladed weapons were found but officers were in full riot gear as a large proportion of the group were carrying sticks.

A very professional looking sound system was confiscated. Before officers arrived, it was belting out Vera Lynn & marching tunes at extremely high volume without regard for anyone living in the vicinity.

Local resident Mr Johnson said ‘I.I.I heard a commotion up the road, then some aircraft flew over. A Spit, a Hurricane, and a Lancaster bomber. I spotted them straight away as I have the Airfix models in my bedroom, built them myself without using the instructions. Must have been Police surveillance, although they normally use a chopper’.

Accused of heavy handedness by civil liberties groups, Deputy Chief Constable Savage replied ‘The Metropolitan Police do not discriminate on the grounds of age. Only race! It doesn’t matter if you are 19 or 99, we will not tolerate this sort of anti-social behaviour. There are Coronavirus restrictions in place for the safety of the elderly and vulnerable’

Most of the offenders have since been released on bail pending further charges. One unnamed elderly lady from Windsor is still in custody this evening after becoming particularly violent. She allegedly shouted at the arresting officer ‘Do you know who I am, I pay your fucking wages sonny’ before setting her small dogs on him. The lady, who was not carrying any money or identification is due to undergo a psychiatric evaluation after making several delusional statements.

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Posted: Nov 9th, 2020 by

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