The former Prime Minister and one-man war tribunal, has claimed that he has a plan to tackle the Covid crisis. The initial stages involve presenting a dossier of NHS privatisation to the United Nations and then suspiciously having the Head of SAGE commit suicide in a nearby wood.
Tony Blair said he had irrefutable proof that he alone can solve the pandemic and all he needs to do is invade some unsuspecting nations – and steal any vaccines they are working on. He already pointed to his success of removing Coronavirus from Iraq – by killing off all the Iraqis.
His dossier of medical ‘facts’ included an incomplete pregnancy test, a surgical truss and an herbal remedy for athlete’s foot. He insisted that this was clear evidence that he was on the cusp of a cure, he just need a fourth term as PM and access to everyone’s bank details.
Jetting around the world during lockdown, Mr. Blair said he had already eradicated viruses, like socialism, hope and the rule of law. It would soon be mission complete, remarked an advisor: ‘Would he lie to you?’