Following Pfizer’s announcement that its vaccine will save humanity from immediate extinction, the UK government confirmed it already has orders for millions of doses, which will soon be available on Amazon Prime.
However, Health Secretary and part-time rotting fish corpse, Matt Hancock admitted his department mistakenly ordered up a brand of small, hard Italian mints.
“Sadly, we seem to have used the same purchasing software for the virus vaccines that we used to buy tons of malfunctioning PPE. I instructed a mutant algorithm (Tina from HR) to press the ‘order now’ button, but it looks as if the cursor wandered over to the confectionary section.
The good news is that as they are rushed to intensive care and hooked up to our state of the art Belarusian ventilators, Covid patients will be able to chew on a tasty mint. Clinical trials (mostly involving Tina from HR) have proved that Tic Tacs are as much as 0.0001% effective in preventing Covid-19, although she says that the peppermint ones taste slightly better.’