Southerners prefer ballet cos their football teams are shite, says northern MP

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Jake Berry, Conservative MP for the Yorcashire constituency of Clichédale, has suggested that northerners prefer football to ballet and opera because, unlike southerners, they’re not big girls’ blouses who can’t kick a ball.

“That London, for example, has practically no football teams whatsoever” said Mr Betty’s. “Instead young men can be found prancing around the public parks on a Saturday morning in what are clearly rehearsals for interpretive dance pieces that they dream of one day performing at the Emirates – that’s a theatre I expect. Whereas up, sorry, oop North, everybody goes to the match on a Saturday, we all live in one terraced house – luxury, we’ve never learnt to read cos that’s soft, and the only TV channel you can get is Sky Sports. So Sky should give some funding to support football oop here. Sorry I mean the government should.”

A government spokesperson responded angrily “We’ve treated football and the proper arts exactly the same – we’re giving sweet FA to all of them.”

Mr Berry was unavailable for further comment, having gone into hiding after his description of football as the heart of northern culture was reported to the local rugby league team.

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Posted: Nov 13th, 2020 by

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