The Chinese government has tonight conceded that, even though it has launched a 6G satellite into orbit, it still hasn’t come up with a new pandemic it could spread.
“We just can’t improve on Covid-19,” a Communist Party spokesperson told our reporter. “Our 5G network had that up and running round the world in a few weeks but, even though we can improve the communications networks, we’re really struggling to come up with a new strain of anything even remotely deadly.”
Conspiracy theorists around the globe who have donned their tin-foil thinking caps are not easily convinced, though. Speaking from his grandmother’s basement, Jeremy Knoll told Newsbiscuit, “It’s obviously a lie. They’re bound to have something up their sleeves. We can prove that 5G brought us Covid, 4G brought us the hangnail outbreak, 3G caused a plague of greenfly at Kew Gardens in 2009, and who can forget the athlete’s foot pandemic in the early ’90s caused by the 2G Motorola DynaTAC 8900X handset?”
Even though the Chinese Government officially denies they are working on a new pandemic, suspicions were further aroused when a search in the bins round the back of one of their research facilities, turned up receipts for industrial vats of Vosene anti-dandruff shampoo, Preparation H, and J. Collis Browne’s Mixture for coughs and colds.