Christmas has come early for many Remainers, now that Dominic Cummings has agreed to step down to pursue his villainy in the private sector. Accepting a post with Beelzebub will allow Mr. Cummings the chance to finally give the electorate eternal damnation or ‘full Brexit’ as he refers to it.
A colleague explained: ‘Working for Satan will allow Dominic a chance to explore his dark arts in a more professional setting. The trouble with No.10 is that everyone is so incompetent, they run the risk of making Matt Hancock look like a functioning human. Dominic had a choice – either work for pure evil or quit the Tory HQ.’
In the run up to Christmas, Satan and Mr. Cummings will be working out who has been naughty and who has voted Remain. He will then pay a visit to children on Christmas eve, with a stocking filled with trade deficits and rickets.
Without his chief advisor, Boris Johnson will be forced to listen to his better angels – unfortunately that tends to be a motley collection of substandard demons. Meanwhile, Satan promised to spread misery on Earth or as Mr. Cummings called it ‘unfinished business’.