‘We must have sent him four emails asking for a review, but he just ignored them,’ said an Amazon spokesman today. ‘He hadn’t marked the product as a gift, so there was no reason to not provide a review,’ he added.
Judge Roberts commented when sentencing Billy Askew (24) from Winsford to three months in gaol that: ‘it was every on-line shopper’s civic duty to provide a review, even if it’s clearly horseshit’. Billy was clearly shaken by the sentence: ‘it was just a set of toe-nail clippers,’ he pointed out as he was escorted from the dock. ‘They cut my toe-nails, what more is there to say?’ he asked, narrowly avoiding having his fingers trapped in the cell door.
The Amazon spokesman defended referring Billy to the authorities: ‘Everybody provides reviews these days, even HMRC gave our tax return a review. One star, a bit harsh,’ he added, while confirming that if Billy had been an Amazon Prime member. ‘We’d probably have written the review for him’.
Billy has clearly seen the error of his ways, as he posted a review of his cell on TripAdvisor. ‘Smaller than advertised, has an all pervading smell of wee and can you believe it – no spare keys!’