The Prime-minister has been instructed to self-isolate after an unfortunate contact with reality.
A spokesman explained; “The usual procedure with Mr Johnson is to enclose him in a replica of an Eton tuckshop with portraits of saucy ladies in provocative poses on the walls. Unfortunately, for around 30 minutes this replica wasn’t available and the reality of a vast lorry park in Kent, Felixstowe close to collapse, a no-deal Brexit disaster only a few weeks away coupled hundreds of thousands of Covid infections was visible.”
Mr Johnson is believed to have taken to his bedroom with “Mr Teddy” while oak panelling is urgently being polished outside to gradually ease him back into public life. The prime-minister has yet to make a statement but the phrase “the German car industry will step in” can be heard through the door.