In a landmark deal struck with the EU, Theresa May has reduced the European Union into a virtual vassal state, she announced today.
‘We no longer need to spend millions creating rules and regulations, the EU will do that for us, releasing talented British workers for more essential tasks such as building the new Morris Marina,’ she said. ‘Nor will they be able to impose restrictive trade boundaries on us – we can trade with them and the rest of the world with a frictionless deal that treats us as if we were part of a large supranational trading block,’ she added.
Quelling concerns about immigration levels, Theresa May stated that ‘we can import essential skills such as plumbers, car washers, doctors and meat packers without fear of shortages, freeing British workers to concentrate on building the new super-computers to power the economy,’ she said, referring to the recently announced Sinclair ZX 82.
Mrs May agreed that such independence came at a cost. ‘We estimate that it will cost about £350 million a week, but the Chancellor has found a way to fund this by trimming funds previously ring-fenced for the NHS,’ she said, to rapturous applause.