Johnson Admits Test and Trace App Actually Warned Him About Scrofula

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“The app was a little slow in getting the news out. Perhaps 500 years slow. But the good news, the very good news, is that diseases like this, which have lain unheard of since Mediaeval times, will not be allowed to resurge and display their resurgence, thanks to the excellent work of our teams of expert surgeons and barbers. I feel I am, as it were, taking one for the country by facing this King’s Evil for a second time. Not only will I be isolating, but my four humours are being balanced as I speak. My yellow bile is carefully being brought in to equilibrium with my phlegm. And I feel we will be able to lift lockdown in the Land of the Angles once more as soon as the planets have once again reached a propitious alignment, as advised by my leading astrologer, who just seems to have nipped out for a moment. I wonder what’s he’s seen coming?”

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Posted: Nov 17th, 2020 by

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