The President-erect has rewarded Nigel Farage, the People’s Prime Minister, with a significant portion of real estate and the keys to Ivana Trump. Addressing a packed crowd of cowering press, Mr. Trump said: ‘To thank Mr Farage for being a really great guy and good people, very good people, I have decided to give him the state of Idaho, for his own use and which he can pass on to whoever he wishes should he not be like me and immortal’.
‘He can do whatever he fancies to it. My advice would be to turn it into a golf course. And if you see any Canadians on it, shoot them. Only kidding there folks. Canadians never bother to go to Idaho, it’s too nondescript even for them. Anyway, Neil, go ahead. The state is all yours. You can twirl it around by the fuzzy bits for all I care. We’ve got plenty more states, 50 of them. You may need it to retire to, if what Mr Putin tells me is true. And I don’t care what all you carpet munching communists of the press say, Mr Putin’s great people, believe me.’
Mr Farage, 37, clearly delighted, said: ‘I am clearly delighted. This is the greatest day of my life apart from the one where we left Europe, the one where I asked the head of the European Commission, ‘Who are ya, who are ya?’, and when I won eight per cent of the vote in Bromley & Chislehurst, pushing Labour into fourth place. I shall be delighted to own Idaho, and thanks to a loan from Trumpfinance Inc, will be building a palace, the Farage Tower, in the state capital. Uh, what is the state capital of Idaho again?’
‘Who’s got the last laugh, eh? And I shall be advising President Trump that the sooner he leaves this treacherous union of states that is ruining America, the better. It’s time for Amexit.’