In what can only be described as ‘probably pure evil’, the BBC is thought to have banned Christmas decorations and replaced them with quotations from Chairman Mao and tractor production statistics from 1970s Moscow.
The corporation has also probably banned God, set fire to several baskets of puppies and overdubbed images of Bing Crosby singing ‘White Christmas’ with a foul-mouthed tirade of anti-capitalist invective shouted through a loudspeaker.
Christmas Carols from Kings might well be replaced with Live Dogging from Bristol. Who knows? They’ll probably make the Queen wear blackface for her Christmas speech and do it all in a Jamaican accent.
Finally, in a move described by literally nobody as ‘political correctness gone mad’, a version of Fairytale of New York which doesn’t include the word ‘faggot’ might occasionally be played on the radio, causing young men to stop being straight and bum one another in the streets. You have been warned.