Military funding hastily approved after child launched from nuclear sub

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The announcement by Boris Johnson to support the British military to the tune of £16.5bn, or a dozen Track and Trace programs, has hastily been given the green light, due to news of a child being launched from a nuclear submarine at a fundraising event.

Years of austerity and cutbacks have driven Britain’s armed forces to desperate measures to raise funds for essential equipment to fight the war for survival. Allocating huge investment in the military comes with the proviso that all activities of a non-military nature cease with immediate effect.

“It’s a ruddy relief!” Commented Admiral Hugh Hughton, captain of HMS Queen Elizabeth, the Royal Navy’s new Bouncer-Class aircraft carrier, reduced to firing kebabs orders onto the mainland from its array of heavy weaponry, just to pay the fuel bills.

All-too-common, tank-boot sales are held on army manoeuvres, selling-off any old tat or posing for a picture on a tank with a geordie Prince Harry lookalike, just to plump the coffers.

The final straw for the government came recently, when on a nuclear submarine, a child was accidentally launched from a missile tube. Fortunately the birthday boy landed in the harbour and swam to safety. The incident spelled the end for children’s parties onboard HMS Ghandi.

Army General Mike ‘Mike’ Tonkinson, was forthright about the government support, “We have the support we so desperately need. We don’t have to keep borrowing kit from the Imperial War Museum.

“And we’re going to build space armies: actual space and cyber space. I’m not sure why? I think, just because we can.”

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Posted: Nov 20th, 2020 by

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