Former Labour Leader, man of the people and one man’s freedom fighter, Jeremy Corbyn, shocked supporters and Labour Party faithful today by denying that he has ever had a beard.
Despite photographic evidence to the contrary and the results of a recent inquiry undertaken by Shami Chakrabarti, proving the existence of the allotment keeper’s face garden, Corbyn will simply not accept the facts.
Even after being shown photographs of himself hobnobbing with some of the world’s most notorious terrorists, he still would not accept responsibility for his beardiness, dismissing any comparison between him and Oddbod Junior of Carry On Screaming fame.
Supporters of Mr Corbyn have rallied round the stubbly, socialist septuagenarian and echoed his claims, but critics from the centre-right of the Labour Party claim his has always tended to veer to the bristly side, favouring a furry fizzog.
Corbyn’s biggest fan base claim that he is being persecuted by the right of the party and, in particular, Keir Starmer, whose smooth features make him the ideal replacement for Johnson at the next election.
Starmer’s supporters say that a smooth face is the way forward for Britain. No Labour Prime Minister has ever sported a beard and critics claim this was the main reason Labour lost the last election, if you don’t count Brexit or anti-semitism, obviously.