Nightmares caused by farts you don’t let out

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Scientists have discovered that repressed flatulence gives rise to your inner demons and can result in disturbing images, such as ghosts, monsters or Theresa May running in a field of wheat. Being pursued by a killer clown during a feverish sleep is often the result of too much macaroni and cheese the day before. Anyone experiencing particularly vivid night terrors is advised to seek medical help and lay off the pickled eggs for a while.

‘I have one particular reoccurring nightmare,’ said one patient. ‘I’m in some sort of customs union which is spiralling out of control, but in order to escape I have set fire to my own head. Then, all of a sudden, I’m hurtling towards a cliff edge – being pursued by Jacob Rees-Mogg, dressed as his own nanny. And then I’m falling, falling – just like the stock market – and then, then I wake up and remember I’m the new Brexit Secretary’.

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Posted: Nov 23rd, 2020 by

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