Porn industry ‘on its knees’, asks for bailout

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Britain’s porn industry has demanded its share of the £257 million from the Government has earmarked from its Culture Recovery Fund to save 1,385 theatres, arts venues, museums and cultural organisations across England.

‘COVID-19 has been a perfect storm for the industry,’ said independent porn producer Phil McAvity. ‘With millions of people working from home or out of work, there has never has there been such massive demand for our services, while at the same time we have been unable to supply enough new content to meet it. I mean, you simply can’t organise and film a socially distanced bukkake gang-bang … actually, that gives me an idea … no, on second thoughts, you really can’t.’

Dr Tristan Prideaux, the anal-yst who wrote Frost & Sullivan’s ‘The West European Market for Lesbian Hardcore, 2019′, said: ‘Without help, the entire British porn industry could go down. Trading conditions suck and most companies are losing fistfuls of money. If the Chancellor doesn’t – hang on, I think this will work – get his finger out, 20,000 hardworking people could be tossed onto the scrapheap.’

A spokesman for Rishi Sunak commented: ‘The porn industry?? Well, I don’t really think … ah well, in for a penny, eh? How much are they asking for?’

Added porn actress Tanya Foxxxx, 38-28-38: ‘Oh yes, Rishi, oh yes, big boy, YES! Fill my gaping coffers with your enormous subsidy…’

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Posted: Nov 24th, 2020 by

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