Archbishop to use sabbatical to become Scientologist


Justin Welby has said he plans to take three-month break from mainstream religion in 2021, to purse solo projects – and take up smoking weed. Asked when he will be getting the Band back together, Mr. Welby hinted that it all depended on him finishing a collaborative album with Kanye West.

Clergy members of are entitled to a sabbatical every ten years, said one Gap Year priest: ‘I used my 3 months to stop believing in God. It was brilliant. Obviously, I partied a lot in the first few days, but then it dawned on me that I could do some real good in society, not infantilized by the fear of an omnipotent being. So, I took up Pilates.’

God himself took a three-month break during creation which is why we ended up with the platypus, camouflage golf balls and James Corden. Even the Pope had a short break in 1997 – which he then used to pick up girls and get a neck tattoo.

Mr. Welby has said he plans to explore other faiths, like Scientology, Witchcraft and Ikea. A spokesman confirmed: ‘It’s a strain being the Archbishop 24/7, sometimes you need a break from all that hypocrisy’.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2020 by

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