A visibly shaken Rishi Sunak today told reporters how Friday’s cabinet meeting was gate crashed by two burly collection agents reportedly working for the Bank of England.
Fighting back the tears, the Chancellor recalled how the “Financial advisers” had reminded him that a large loan was coming due for repayment and that payment would be collected, one way or the other.
They threatened to break both my arms and smash my pelvis if I didn’t pay up said Mr Sunak.
I turned for help to the rest of the cabinet but the Prime Minister and Dominic Raab were fighting to find refuge in Downing Street’s downstairs toilet and Gavin Williamson was hiding behind Priti Patel and in his school boy screech was begging Priti to protect him.
Jacob Rees-Mogg who had only a few minutes earlier joined the meeting, was on his knees rattling out decades of the rosary and crying, “I won’t sin again, spare me lord, spare your humble servant.”
“He was always a spineless weasel,” said Sunak.
Following the Chancellor’s press conference, Downing Street released a statement praising Mr Sunak for the many difficult decisions he has had to make over the last 9 months and saying the Mr Johnson as Prime Minister, wanted to make it crystal clear that all the decisions taken and financial arrangements were entirely the responsibility of the Chancellor.