Coronavirus delays Martian invasion

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No one would have believed, in the last days of 2020, that human affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of space. And yet minds immeasurably superior to ours viewed this Covid ridden Earth and said, “Bugger! That’s the invasion shot.”

Supreme Leader of Mars, Gargol Gx’Vlar, said they had been slowly and surely drawing their plans against us, ever since Earthly bacteria put pay to their last invasion attempt at the end of the 19th Century. “Just when we thought a course of antibiotics and packets of Beechams Max Strength would do the job you managed to cover your planet in a deadly hybrid virus.”

Preparations for the invasion had been rapidly advanced after it became clear there were several manned missions to Mars being considered by the Earthlings. In the past Martian astronomers had always thought the chances of anything coming from Earth was a million to one. One military adviser wished he’s popped down to the bookies at the time because suddenly they had to decide how to deal with such an immediate threat. He told us, “It was either travel restrictions, a quarantine or an Australian style points system maybe, or forget that and simply wipe out humanity, with the exception of the pretty female ones of course.”

But how to deal with coronavirus on arrival? Tacticians played with the idea of a Tiered invasion plan, perhaps conquering Covid free Pacific islands first before asking other nations to notify them when their rates were at acceptable levels and they were safe for immediate incursion. In the end the decision was taken to get Christmas out of the way and try a full scale assault in the New Year, when hopefully human blood would be a tad more full anti-bodied.

Surprisingly for the alien pilots tasked with spearheading the attack the potential virus threat, and the disturbing lack of PPE, has actually been the least of their worries. Technology has not moved on significantly since Victorian times and with the plan still to blast off firing on all cylinders, those handling these strange craft are concerned that mistakes will be repeated. As one of the Red Planet’s finest explained, “In the previous invasion nearly a third of the crews couldn’t get out of their craft. Slimy tentacles and screw tops. Who knew.”

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Posted: Nov 27th, 2020 by

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