Siri and Alexa to listen to your ‘weird dream’ so no one else has to

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“But, what does it mean?”. The five words sure to incite the most patient human being into a stress-induced sprint for solitude.

We’ve all been there, faking consciousness during the forty minute turgid ramblings of a loved-one’s cheese-induced insomnibabble. Fortunately, Google and Amazon have programmed their home assistants to respond when detecting the danger phrase ‘weird dream’ in speech.

“I had a weird dream last night!! I was talking to my ex-ex at a party on the moon, and he kept saying that he had something important to tell me, but then a train shaped like a Weetabix, driven by twelve Carol Vordermans, pulled-up at the side of him, and he jumped over it on a pogo-stick made of focaccia. Which is really weird because focaccia doesn’t store energy under compression, and then…”

The home assistants absorb self-confused brain froth to give you the reassurance that your partner’s esoteric questions always get answered, but never by you.

With responses, like: “Uh-huh!”, “OMG!”, “That’s so weird!”, “That’s just you taking control of your life”, and “He doesn’t deserve to be in your dreams”, home assistants are now the answer to a cognitively confused partner’s dreams.

‘Update costs ninety nine pounds’, are the five words to ensure the last remaining piece of your mind has peace of mind.

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Posted: Nov 29th, 2020 by

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