Siri and Alexa to listen to your ‘weird dream’ so no one else has to


“But, what does it mean?”. The five words sure to incite the most patient human being into a stress-induced sprint for solitude.

We’ve all been there, faking consciousness during the forty minute turgid ramblings of a loved-one’s cheese-induced insomnibabble. Fortunately, Google and Amazon have programmed their home assistants to respond when detecting the danger phrase ‘weird dream’ in speech.

“I had a weird dream last night!! I was talking to my ex-ex at a party on the moon, and he kept saying that he had something important to tell me, but then a train shaped like a Weetabix, driven by twelve Carol Vordermans, pulled-up at the side of him, and he jumped over it on a pogo-stick made of focaccia. Which is really weird because focaccia doesn’t store energy under compression, and then…”

The home assistants absorb self-confused brain froth to give you the reassurance that your partner’s esoteric questions always get answered, but never by you.

With responses, like: “Uh-huh!”, “OMG!”, “That’s so weird!”, “That’s just you taking control of your life”, and “He doesn’t deserve to be in your dreams”, home assistants are now the answer to a cognitively confused partner’s dreams.

‘Update costs ninety nine pounds’, are the five words to ensure the last remaining piece of your mind has peace of mind.

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Posted: Nov 29th, 2020 by

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