Boris Johnson appoints H from Steps as new chief of staff

STEPS

Prime Minister, serial rogerer and bottle blonde, Boris Johnson has courted controversy once more by naming H from Steps as his new chief of staff.

H, whose real name is Ian something or other, had a successful career in the millennial pop band, Steps and did that ice skating thing, too.

Since the departure of Dominic Cummings and Lee Cain, Johnson has been looking to replace his core advisory team with less controversial and more people-friendly staff.

Johnson told reporters, “H is the ideal chief of staff. His friendly persona and cheery smile made him win the hearts of pre-pubescent, pre-lockdown, line dancers, and we feel he has the experience and skills to do the same in Downing Street. I rang The Aitchster and said, ‘Say You’ll Be Mine’, without you it’d be a ‘Tragedy’. He wasn’t sure at first, but then I told him he could do it on a trial basis and we’d see ‘What The Future Holds.”

The appointment has been condemned as “another Tory publicity stunt” by Labour. They have denied rumours that Keir Starmer recently tried to engage the services of the taller one out of the Cheeky Girls as a senior policy advisor.

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2020 by

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