While the National Trust is excited by beavers making their first return since the 16th century, the rest of the UK is braced for a re-enactment of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Mr & Mrs Beaver may be happily making dams, but we know it all ends with wolves becoming the secret police and no Father Christmas over lockdown.
All the standard characters are here; Mr Tumnus, a half-man, half-goat, which is a very apt description of Boris Johnson. While Keir Starmer has promised to betray his allies in exchange for some Turkish Delight and votes from the North of England.
The Pevensie children had tried to complain about the environmental damage of another Hundred Year Winter but were dismissed as radical members of the Extinction Rebellion. Asked if she still planned on sacrificing a Christ-like figure on a stone altar, the Witch said: ‘No need, the press already did it to Jeremy Corbyn – the clue was in the initials’.