Laurence Fox to retrain as an actor


Professional gobshite Laurence Fox, has announced that he fancies ‘having a go’ at acting, following the creation of a vaccine which looks set to destroy the only thing he was good at – virus propagation. Fox is no stranger to filming, having appeared in several hundred episodes of ‘Lewis’ as a wooden coat stand which accompanies the detective around Oxford.

Fox is believed to have been created by eugenicists from a frozen embryo which unfortunately thawed a couple of times when the freezer was unplugged, leaving him mentally deficient and looking like a Nazi ghost. The experience led to an irrational hatred of Zanussi appliances and a compulsion to tweet every time he wanks. Fox is second only to Donald Trump in the frequency and batshit-craziness of his tweets, though Trump has more of a future.

Fox recently tweeted “Compliance is violence” – which probably sounded good in his head when he was typing it, one-handed, whilst flicking through the women’s underwear section of the Argos catalogue. He has also criticised the NHS for not being quick enough to keep up with the rate at which his supporters are infecting the population, which is a bit like Jack the Ripper having a pop at Scotland Yard.

If he succeeds in his dream of becoming an actor it has been suggested that Fox would be a shoo-in for Scrooge in A Christmas Carol, though the ending would need some work and Scrooge’s libertarian achievements given greater credit. Failing that, if any directors need a masturbating undertaker or a Nazi ghost please contact @LozzaFox


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Posted: Dec 1st, 2020 by

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