Archaeologists claim to have found the world’s oldest casino under a building site in Bethlehem, Judaea. Team leader Professor Michael Sanders said the site, dating from the Early Temple Period of around 1000 BC, was a stunning confirmation of an ancient myth.
‘The story goes that King David, in common with most of his people, found the Ten Commandments a bit tough to adhere to all at the same time, so he set up ‘One Sin City’, where a single transgression would be overlooked,’ said Sanders.
Under the system set up by David and reluctantly agreed to by the scribes, the Israelites were permitted one major sin. Thus, for example if they committed adultery with another man’s wife but also coveted his ass, they would still be stoned to death. ‘They didn’t even need a judge to pass sentence: the place was crawling with tabloid journalists who would publish names and let the baying crowds make up their own minds,’ Sanders said.
To get round the one-sin difficulty, David invented the casino. The Children of Israel could gamble and drink all they liked while they were in there and it was only deemed by the priests to be a single sin. In terms of revenue raising, this beat the Temple Tax hands down and was regarded as a necessary evil. The casino bar was said to be the only place you could get a Goliath, an incredibly strong drink that you downed in a single shot.
The most spectacular find so far has been the Holy Craps table, a gigantic stone surface 30 cubits long and 20 cubits wide. This discovery has conclusively refuted Einstein’s claim that God does not play dice.