The government denied that the logistics of delivering potentially over 100 million covid-19 vaccine doses before the spring would create problems.
‘We’re the government that addressed the shortage of container ships by buying into companies that didn’t have container ships,’ said a government spokesman today. ‘Only the Conservatives have that ability to think outside of the box; Labour would have insisted on physical ships and probably wouldn’t even think to count most of them twice.’
‘And look at our success with implementing the world-beating track and trace programme. Who, but the Conservatives, could have achieved that?
Nearly ten per cent of potentially infected persons are being contacted every week, and some have a really heart-to-heart chat. Labour would have been all “do this now, or else” I expect,’ said another spokesman.
‘We’ve got doctors, nurses, the nurses who aren’t really nurses, dentists, plumbers and labourers. I’ve even created a vaccination badge for the Boy Scouts, dib-dib-dib,’ said Health Secretary Matt Hancock, adding, ‘Of course we’ve only got the plumbers until December the 31st as they have to return to Poland after that date’.