Millwall FC has finally exposed a secret Marxist cabal running the Premiership. Being a multi-billion-pound private industry was just a devious way of challenging the Bourgeoisie. The fact that Raheem Sterling is worth £115.20m and Grimsby Town is worth one pie and large chips, is all part of their cunning plan.
Hiding in broad daylight, these footballing Marxists sneakily concealed their intentions behind the most capitalist organisation you could think of. With over £9.3bn in annual TV revenue alone, the Premiership pumps out communist propaganda, in between all the gambling adverts.
Said one Trotskyite midfielder: ‘On the surface it looks like I am physically bought and sold from club to club like a commodity, but actually I’m controlling the means of production and the organic composition of capital’.
Man Utd put out a statement: ‘We openly admit to being a Marxist endeavour – which is why all our players are paid the same as the ground staff, all our season tickets are free and we share points evenly with other teams – well, we certainly did that last one under David Moyes.’