Fate of drunken sailor ‘still in the balance’ say NPO

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The fate of a sailor who returned to his ship drunk late on Friday night is still in the balance say Naval Police Officers
Colleagues raised concerns about the sailor’s drunken behaviour when he began weighing hay in the ship’s chandlery and taunting the ship’s cook about the time his soufflé collapsed.
A final decision will be made early in the morning but the exact nature of punishment is still unclear.
Suggestions range from shaving his belly with a rusty razor to putting him in a longboat until he is sober. Previous drunken miscreants have been stuck in a scupper with a hosepipe bottom but the sailors defence team say they would vigorously oppose any such sentence.
One penalty that has definitely been ruled out by all parties is the option of putting the sailor in bed with the captain’s daughter.
A representative for the NPO said the move would almost certainly be counter-productive…..’We looked into the captain’s daughter option….but having seen her Instagram account we don’t think it would help solve anything. The sailor would need to be blind drunk to get into bed with her….and when he sobered up in the morning he would simply get drunk again when he realised what he had done…..so it’s best we pursue alternative options.
First thing he has got to do is clear up all this broken glass…..there were 10 green bottles hanging on that wall last night….now look at them’.

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Posted: Dec 10th, 2020 by

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