Sports journalists and experts have been combing the record books to find any precedent for an amazing result that took place in this week’s long awaited Euro Champions Final. The hotly contested grudge match between Inter Remain and Old Brexitonians, ended not in a victory for one or other side, or even a draw, but with both sides actually contriving to lose.
“This is completely against what anyone expected, on either side”, explained pundit Geoff Matthews. “The game was played for the full regulation three years, then went in to extra time, then further extra time, and finally even further extra time. The Remain side seemed to have been beaten, narrowly, early on and everyone expected Brexitonians to sweep through and claim the trophy. Their manager gave a pitch-side interviews all the way through the game and he was very positive about the likely result – easiest game ever, best result we could dream of, sunlit uplands on the terraces etc. But then, the longer the match went on, Brexitonians starting scoring the most incredible number of own goals. But by some strange combination of the rule-book and the clock ticking down that we’re still trying to comprehend, these didn’t count against Inter Remain’s earlier defeat in the same match. The game is in its last few seconds now and with both sides losing, it will certainly be one for the history books.”
Fans from both sides are astonished by the outcome. “I honestly never imagined that I’d feel sorry for the other lot”, said one, “We’re usually either delighted to have won, or miserable to have lost and hate the other fans. But everybody in the stadium is just staring at each other thinking ‘What the bloody hell just happened there?’ ”