Are you f*cking kidding?’ thinks dog presented with gift-wrapped bone

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The irritated canine said, ‘I mean they can’t even muster up the merest charade of mystery by putting it in you know, a box.  No. Let’s just wrap the bone up like a bone and put it next to the massive PlayStation 5 you bought for the ten-year old little prick that just gives you shit all of the time.

‘F$ck you very much.  Have I not been a dedicated family canine for nine years?  Lick your rancid faces like a mad bastard?  Check.  Humour every mundane ball-throwing antic without fail? Check.  Jump for joy when you land me with the utter bullshit moniker, ‘Mister Bojangles.?’  Checkety check.

‘I’m in the family portrait but sure gift me a three quid bone!’

Owner Claire Marshall said, ‘Ah, you should have seen his little face.  He’s part of the family so he has to get a special little present.  I mean, yes it’s just one of the bones he always has.  But I’ve gift wrapped it.  You know, for Christmas.  As a special treat.  Cute, right?’

‘Raging.  Absolutely raging.  The return of sneaky dumps in your slippers is just the beginning, you mark my words’ commented Mister Bojangles pacing backwards and forwards.

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Posted: Dec 19th, 2020 by

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