In an attempt to soften her public image, Home Secretary Priti Patel is to market her own range of knuckle dusters, flick knives and Japanese throwing stars.
One Home Office source explained. ‘A lot of us were concerned that Priti might occasionally appear a little bit tetchy. So a bright spark in the government, Chris Grayling probably, came up with the brilliant suggestion that an online store selling Priti branded hand to hand combat weapons might be the answer.
They’re the perfect gift for anyone who’s having problems with pesky civil servants, or needs to give an activist lawyer a good duffing up for having the nerve to hold the home office to its own legal standards. Fun for all the family. As long as that family is the Krays.
Other cabinet ministers are expected to follow suit. Jacob Rees-Mogg is planning to show a more modern image with a range of chimney sweeping products while Michael Gove’s 2021 topless calendar is expected to fly off the shelves.