During his Boxing Day address to the nation, Prime Minister Boris Johnson praised the efforts of UK exporters to export the new COVID-19 variant to many of the country’s trading partners. ‘As you will see from today’s news, several countries have now identified the arrival of NCV and I can assure you that many more nations will discover this seasonal gift from Britain over the coming days and weeks,’ the PM said.
‘Now, some may question the rationale behind such a strategy but, rather like the sacrifice of a prawn during the early stages of a langoustine and saumon fumé starter or, indeed, an unconventional Nimzo-Indian defence, the cost of transporting NCV worldwide will be more than offset by the resulting sales of our British vaccines, currently being developed and tested by close friends of the Cabinet, Conservative Party donors and Matt Hancock. The profits from vaccine sales will dwarf expenditure and mark the UK’s post-EU economy with a massive boost. As Caesar quipped, “Veni, covidi, vacci”.’