‘It was a mystical experience,’ claimed Steve McClintock after finally expelling his post-Christmas turd. ‘I’m not normally a praying man, but after six big meals and no movement, I was begging to have my spirit and bowels moved.’ Finally, his bottom did indeed move in mysterious ways, as it then unleashed ‘hell on earth’ or at least 38 compacted Brussel Sprouts.
The rapture lasted for several hours and Steve is convinced he blacked out at least once, having hit his forehead on the sink. He hallucinated throughout the ordeal, with visions of white feathers, floating orbs and one big brown monolith – sticking out of the toilet bowl. He was then visited by three wise men and a plumber to sort out the blockage.