Prime Minister Boris Johnson has pledged not only to break all of his New Year pledges again this year, but that they will be world-beating pledges and will be broken in a world-beating way.
‘I’m not going to reduce the amount of lies I tell, I’m going to reduce the amount of lies by a world-beating amount,’ he pledged, acknowledging that that particular pledge was probably out of date the moment he said it, although that acknowledgement could have been a world-beating lie.
‘My attempts at avoiding further parenthood situations will be world-beating,’ Johnson added. ‘I’ll not father sporadic and generally unacknowledged children in a world-beating way,’ he pledged. ‘And I promise to be a world-beating clown.’ To date, nobody has cast any doubt on that one.