‘We thought people might have forgotten we’re twats,’ say backpackers


The backpackers – obviously mostly British – who flouted Australian COVID-19 rules by partying at a Sydney beach on Christmas Day, only did it to remind us they are twats, it has emerged. The plan clearly worked as footage of the young revellers in Santa hats and boarders that were shared on social media immediately screamed ‘twats’ within a few seconds of viewing.

One of the gathered twats, who freely gave his name as Gavin Smith from Chelmsford, Essex said: ‘The reputation of us Brit backpackers as twats was never in doubt in our minds, but we were becoming increasingly concerned that the public’s view was less certain. So, what better opportunity than to all meet up and get defiantly and obnoxiously shit-faced in breach of their frankly mental COVID regulations. I mean they’ve got, like, three cases, right. My family’s got three cases, dickheads!’

‘Anyway, with our predictably unoriginal way of attracting attention in a place of natural beauty party, we have reaffirmed our prouldy established status as both twats and figures of hatred to the locals. I also hear they are going to deport us, which is just an extra shot of twat-adrenaline into our twatty veins,’ Smith added. ‘Wait, is my mum going to read this? Hey, mum it’s me. Having it large!’

Smith’s mum sighed and said: ‘I mean I love him. But, yes he has reminded me that he is also a complete twat.’

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Posted: Dec 30th, 2020 by

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