Everyone finally gets the New Year’s Eve they secretly wanted


Everyone, except possibly taxi drivers, is secretly delighted at getting to stay in their own homes tonight rather than have to put on fancy clothes which now feel too tight and staying up later than preferred to mark a change which isn’t really one. Having to nod politely while listening to the plans of people to radically change their lifestyle which they could have done at any point in the last twelve months while wishing you were on the sofa with a bag of cheesy puffs and a looser waistband never makes for a good night out, experts confirmed.

Plans for New Year’s Eve 2020 involve a clean pair of pyjama bottoms, heat four of World’s Strongest Man, cheese and crackers and finishing off a box of chocolates before going to bed without having heard or made any nebulous and unrealistic resolutions about self-improvement. At about ten past midnight there will be a brief waking up due to a neighbour’s fireworks and that’s us into 2021, which will definitely not be as shit as 2020, honest.

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Posted: Dec 31st, 2020 by

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