Nigel Farage is said to be ‘devastated’ that he has been passed over for a peerage in favour of a Chinese market trader who has been credited with sparking the Covid-19 pandemic. ‘It was a close call,’ said a government spokesman. ‘Both men have had a significant impact on Britain’s future prosperity and way of life. One was an unscrupulous trader with a foreign name while the other just sold bats in a market.’
Despite passing him over, Buckingham Palace still sent Farage a letter with the Queen’s seal, just so somebody could take his photo when he opened it and it said ‘Tough luck, sucker!’ Farage claims that the only reason he hasn’t been knighted is because he supported Brexit, seemingly unaware that this makes as much sense as the ghost of Peter Sutcliffe demanding an OBE for services to lorry driving.