Across the nation, households are attempting to eat all the remaining unhealthy food that was bought for Christmas before embarking on a new healthy eating and exercise regime for 2021. Typically, breakfast now consists of Twiglets and Cheese Footballs, lunch comprises camembert and Toblerone, and evening meals involve liquorice allsorts, peanuts and coconut Quality Street, all served with out-of-date brandy butter.
Questions are now being asked about the wisdom of buying tubes of Pringles throughout November for the festive season, and banning everyone from opening them until Christmas Eve, as everyone is thoroughly fed up with them now, especially the sour cream and chive ones.
Not everything has to be eaten, however. It has already been decided that the unopened boxes of sugared almonds and liqueur chocolates can be put aside for donation to the local school fete or church raffle. And of course, no-one actually likes dates, but throwing them away is a traditional post-Christmas ritual, solemnly observed once everything else has been eaten.
Only then can the health kick begin, accompanied by protein bars and oat bakes in place of crisps and sweets. This is expected to last until at least the end of the week.