Men at a certain stage in life are chewing-up vital family bandwidth by meeting on Zoom to reminisce in detail about memorable non-essential car journeys of yesteryear.
From a time before restrictions, free-driving middle-age males have met at petrol stations and Halfords to discuss the latest pointless sojourns in their beloved four-wheeled wombs. Now, due to matters beyond their comprehension, they have no other option than to relay A-road anecdotes to fellow silver fox free-drivers online.
Veteran free-driver, Charles Hurst, explains: “The restrictions have hit us hard. No longer can we experience the singular pleasure of trying out a new slip road, taking a nine mile detour because there are three-way lights on the usual route home, or driving to a neighbouring county and back, just to top-up the battery.”
Not all the experiences of free-driving are so idyllic. Martin Cheshunt recalls: “I was once roundly scorned for taking the family to the seaside on a torrential day in February to wear-in new brake pads. But, that wasn’t quite as unfulfilling as choosing the scenic route to the hospital on a new satnav when my wife was in labour, thinking she’d be comforted by rural vistas.”
Charles sums-up the free-drivers’ predicament: “Lockdown is a prison sentence. We’ve been reduced to reminiscing about past experiences, instead of safely creating new ones. Obviously, we record our meetings, future generations need to understand the sheer delight in taking a four-hour drive to buy oil that the car only needed because you took a four-hour drive to buy oil. What more can a father do when stuck at home?”