In a newspaper column, for an eye-watering fee, the humble former Top Gear presenter has admitted he’s been suffering from the Coronavirus since the 1980’s.
As well as losing his sense of smell, Clarkson says his sense of style was also destroyed by the virus, forcing him to wear patterned shirts best saved for the wallpaper of an oppressive hotel.
Stonewashed jeans that look like they’ve been permanently worn by someone else, was also a mainstay of the 60 year old’s wardrobe.
Writing exclusively for ‘Right Wing Bullshit I Don’t Actually Believe’ magazine, Clarkson said; “I’ve partially recovered, but I don’t think something this serious ever really leaves you”.
The renowned smoker and bully then disappeared into a central London boutique clothing store for his 404th tweed jacket, something he is all too aware he won’t fit into.