Wedding bells and cash registers are set to ring out, as the Prime Minister and The Leader of the Opposition look set to seal the knot and tighten the noose. They have finally decided to be joined in holy matrimony and mutual hatred of the unions; while they are already joined together by exactly the same policies and the same levels of ineptitude.
The Johnson family said: ‘Boris may have played the field in his day, but only Keir has screwed the entire Labour membership’. Relatives of Starmer confirmed: ‘We are so lucky to welcome a Tory into the family and its great to have Boris join us as well
Previously they had clashed in the Commons over their handling of the NHS crisis, labelled by the public as Captain Hindsight and Major Disaster – although both men take their orders from an enlisted soldier called Private Healthcare. Yet from those early disagreements a passion was kindled, a passion for Brexit and closing all zoos.
Their top priorities are 1) an unwavering loyalty to Rupert Murdoch and 2) see 1). In fact, they have so much in common – be it their success in the fight against male pattern baldness or that they both think Blacks Lives Matter was just for Christmas. Asked if they had already consummated the marriage, a spokeswoman confirmed that Keir had been letting Boris have his wicked way for months.