Downloading 99% of files from villain’s hard drive probably enough, TV cops told


Waiting for the last 1% of files to slowly download from a master criminal’s computer is probably not worth the additional stress, everyone has confirmed to sweating TV crime investigators.

The news will come as a relief to TV and film cops everywhere, who have been placing themselves in peril for years, praying for the final few files to transfer to their memory sticks, whilst anxiously looking at the huge ‘% downloaded’ graphic on the computer screen in case the crook re-enters the room.

‘There might be 50,000 or so files on the average hard drive, so its highly likely you’ve already got the ones with the nuclear bomb codes or the incriminating photos even if you whipped your memory stick out at the halfway point’, confirmed Mike Davies, of the TV Crime Drama Efficiency Unit. ‘We do advise that cops click on the ‘safely remove hardware’ icon, though, before grabbing their USB stick and jumping out of the window, though.’

Davies suggests that there many other areas where TV cops can make some easy-win efficiency gains. His prototype of a cop-car which has a roof one-metre higher on the passenger-side rear door so police officers no longer have to push suspects’ heads downwards as they are placed in the car, looks set to become an industry standard.

Davies has also advised that TV cops are sent an automated text message when they start their shift each day telling them that criminals definitely aren’t worth it, rather than having to be reminded of it at the climax of every episode by a colleague as they try and stop the cop from punching the villain after they’ve finally managed to catch them.

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Posted: Jan 7th, 2021 by

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