Starmer calls for ’round the clock’ press conferences


Sir Keir Starmer has called for ’round the clock’ broadcasts, in order to handle an exponential increase in statistics on Covid infections, hospitalisations and deaths.

“We are in a race against time keep up with new variants of lockdown rules, restrictions and guidance. Every cabinet minister, scientific adviser and political pundit must be recruited in order to inject fact and analysis into the public consciousness. We demand minute-by-minute speculation from Michael Gove of how long lockdown may go on for before we have to extend it again. We require the name of every single elderly person who has been given the vaccine. We must end this nightmare of not knowing whether you’re still allowed to go for a walk at any given time of day.

“Our best way of ensuring the public stay at home is to keep them glued to their screens with endless televised addresses, in order that we can meet our target of delivering millions of soundbites per week.”


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Posted: Jan 7th, 2021 by

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