American lawmakers were reportedly “touched and thrilled” on Tuesday evening by a sudden surge of interest in their governance of the USA. As eager onlookers flocked into the Capitol building to get a closer look at government in action, congressmen and women from both sides of the aisle praised the “public spirit” of the shirtless thugs dressed as Vikings and brandishing MAGA flags.
“I’ve never seen ordinary Americans so keen to observe democracy at work,” reflected a Democratic congresswoman, from underneath her desk. “It’s really heartening to witness this show of support for our political institutions. Although I’m not quite sure just what it is I’m witnessing; the tear gas is so thick.”
The traditional peaceful transfer of power from one President to another played out in front of a rapt audience of patriots defiling everything the United States holds dear.
“These are great signs for the health of our historic nation,” argued a Kentucky senator, ducking his head and desperately sprinting for the exit as shattered glass rained down on the elected representatives. “The spectators’ gallery is full for the first time in my career, presumably because you get the best aim from up there.”
Opined one jingoistic lunatic, dangling from atop the statue of Abraham Lincoln’s stovepipe hat, “This level of engagement with politics hasn’t been seen in our great nation since the glorious days of the Civil War. The Confederacy – I mean, the Founding Fathers – would be so proud.”
Said President Donald Trump, “This claim about election fraud is disputed.”