NewsBiscuit Retrospective 2020
You may be pleased to see the back of 2020, but before you see it disappearing away in your metaphorical rear-view mirror, Newsbiscuit have carefully curated – er…is there any other kind of curating? – our review of the year. And if you like what’s below, why not have a look at our Newsbiscuit Real Fake News book: 15 years of Typos, available to buy below:
January started, in a fashion, in the way it looks like finishing, with veteran fighter Mark Francois spending time with all his friends.
Meanwhile the most important thing the Labour Party could find to do was elect a new leader to not oppose the Conservatives effectively.
Whereas the rest of the world was in denial about a bit of a bug originating in downtown Wuhan, NewsBiscuit were amazingly prescient.
The real issue gripping the country was how could Brexit possibly get worse?
And as coronavirus victim numbers steadily climbed to 2, NewsBiscuit kept its focus, like everyone else in the UK, on the weather. Especially as the country was being chased by a storm instead of creating one.
But the real news of the month was a change in Chancellor of the Exchequer, something Boris looked like doing as often as he changed his underwear or his lovers. NewsBiscuit understood really well that the job was at best a part- time activity.
As March started most sane people watching what was happening in Italy and other parts of Europe realised we were heading for a big problem. Unfortunately the people running the country were/are idiots so we were encouraged to attend football matches and large racing meets. NewsBiscuit did offer some advice to the sporting fraternity, though.
While the government were busy burying their heads in the sand, the good British public did the only sensible thing they could – they panic bought anything that was up for sale. Toilet rolls, tinned food and common sense were in short supply buut NewsBiscuit found at least one chink of light.
Meanwhile, as the pandemic suddenly started to look real, even to the alleged grown-ups in Westminster, NewsBiscuit posted a story that actually became an unlikely truebiscuit. Sort of.
While NewsBiscuit added a new Dicky to the Cockney vernacular
Lockdown took hold and Llandudno was taken over by goats. The the rest of the UK remained led by donkeys.
The government started to broadcast daily bulletins with Boris taking the comedic lead and Chris Whitty acting as his straight man. Ultimately some staple parts of BBC programming had to be shifted off-air to accompany this, but unfortunately some shows remained stubbornly resistant to the virus.
Meanwhile the UK was becoming obsessed with the super sexy, charismatic Chris Whitty himself, which diverted a small amount of attention from Dominic Cummings who decided to break every rule he’d helped write and really test Specsavers in the process
Following a brief encounter with death, or at least an inconvenient cold, Boris used every opportunity to tell everyone how close to death he really had been after ignoring his own rules and contracting covid. To most people’s disappointment it wasn’t anywhere close enough
Meanwhile the country adapted to shirking on Zoom meetings instead of in the workplace
Meanwhile Cummings appeared in the Rose Garden to provide an unconvincing reason not to deck him, while NewsBiscuit considered the likely opinion of a former Prime Minister.
As the lockdown looked like being lifted, some parts of the economy was really dreading it.
Meanwhile the Black Lives Matter movement crossed the Atlantic and protests started here in the UK. Toppling statues became so popular that there is now a growth industry to make statues to be toppled.
As the pandemic moved to a new phase allowing the government to bung cash to its friends without so much public gaze on it, the nation mourned the cessation of the daily briefings.
The government looked to post Covid recovery with its usual in-depth analysis and foresight.
And the government kept up its charm offensive, denying anything and everything.
However at least one Conservative MP accidently did the right thing, which was stamped on pretty quickly.
The UK, like the rest of the world, suddenly realised Donald Trump was still in power and was getting very vocal. This is probably another Truebiscuit
With the pandemic clearly sorted people, especially those involved in right wing politics or just wearing beige flannels, turned their attention to the influx of Europeans entering the UK by small boats.
Of course August is results month – what could possibly have gone right?
New month, same old Coronavirus except schools, colleges and universities were encouraged to help spread the virus. Luckily we had a world beating track and trace…er…
As the country started with yet another new normal, house buyers and sellers found the market was spreading faster than the latest strain of Coronavirus
But while those brats were at school, teachers had to learn new survival techniques.
The government realised that some people might need to retrain after the pandemic was over. Unfortunately, they didn’t realise that it was the politicians, not the public.
Meanwhile a top footballer took the government advice and retrained as a spokesman for common sense. Unfortunately the government wasn’t equipped to deal with that as the country hurtled towards half term and apparently kids want to eat on school breaks too. Who’d a thunk?
And while the American people prepared to vote, Trump was working out how to stop anyone from voting by post – apart from people like him. Anyway, he clearly isn’t going anywhere, win or lose.
The US election results seemed to take sooooooooo long. Apparently you are supposed to count all the votes, not just the ones the President wants counting.
President Trump did start to look a little – well, desperate once he’d been firmly trounced.
And as the hope of a vaccine appeared on the horizon the government suddenly realised it had missed at least one trick in promoting its chumocracy
As a new COVID variant was discovered in the UK, other countries closed their borders to the sick man of Europe. On the plus side, the chaos created some opportunities for shaking up TV programmes
Boris Johnson finally secured a world-beating Brexit deal (similar to the world beating track and trace system). As always. NewsBiscuit was there to dissect it, so you didn’t have to.
As we reached the end of a turbulent twelve months, everyone was ready to put on their best Patrick Vallance voice and say ‘Next Year Please’, but not before commemorating New Years Eve.
If you liked these stories, why not have a look at our NewsBiscuit – Real Fake News: 15 Years of Typos, a bumper collection of Newsbiscuit Stories from the last 15 years.